I am a bad loser, that may be the worst thing about me. Things said from other people when I lose sit in my head and grow and grow making losing worse. I wish I could just turn and walk away . But ultimately I get mad. I think of losing as a reflection on me. Today I lost and I am mad. I know it is silly and by tomorrow I will be fine but for tonight those things said will drive me crazy. What did I lose?? I didn’t get the job promotion that I wanted, reason being… I didn’t have enough leadership ability but if I work on it there is a high possibility I will get one of the next ones. Great, isn’t it funny that every job I have had since I have been working(16), I have been in management ( with in 2 years usually closer to 1 year) I guess those jobs were so wrong. I was not a good leader dam I was lead astray by so many others. I have never felt this bad about not having something, than I did today when I heard that. To me it felt like a personal attack. I will say it right now, so you know ,I am a leader, it’s in my sign. Not only that, but most of my life I have had the ability to get anyone to do anything I want. Yes it has gotten a little week lately but I still can get it done if I need to, I just feel like sometimes it‘s not fair to play that card. Dam I hate when I feel guilty. I am a go to person in my department, people who have been there longer than me ask me how to do things. They ask me to be a closing floater, yet I am not leadership material right now. Well I tell you what don’t ask me any more, don’t treat me like I am. I guess I don’t deserve the money for doing the job I do. Dam
By the way I am a Leo.. I have not been acting quite like a Leo lately I guess that getting older has calmed me. But no longer I am going back to the person eating get a head bitch I used to be and that’s that. ( Yikes that could be scary)
I know great things are coming I can feel it. Just hope I have the gas to get my life in that lane.
Nothing new on the song writing front just same old same old. I need to vent tonight so that I can sleep. Also I was too stressed for yoga.. How is that possible. Yoga would have calmed me if I went.. you call that lazy...
Again C. thanks for lending me that CD I listened more today and yeah I love it. I love “life isn’t always beautiful but it’s a beautiful ride.” so true I may get that tattooed around the compass I plan on getting in the near future.. Well I am a sissy who would probably change my mind after getting one so in my mind that’s the tattoo I would get. Nothing here to change the world just junk.. I am sure like I said last night it is coming..
Until then this is the modern day cowboy ridding in the west to seek a place to lay my head. When the sun rises and the winds blow I will write again…